I know I started drinking because my Dad beat my mom. When I drank, I would drink so much that I would feel nothing. So I never had to deal with my emotions. Well I got in a relationship at eleven with this very controlling boy. I thought that's how it was supposed to be. I was raised in that environment. I continued my drinking and eventually got kicked out of my parents house at the age of fifteen. Moved in with my boyfriend. He introduced me to pot. Man I thought that was the greatest feeling. Sitting back with my Lord Calvert Whiskey and my blunt. After a while that just wasn't enough. Once again my boyfriend introduced me to Ecstasy.

By that time I was totally addicted to being high all the time. I had to have something all the time. My boyfriend finally got tired of me using all the time. He dropped me off at a friends house and never talked to me again. So I ended up moving in to the house that I used to go to Raves at. There was a constant supply of drugs. And by the second day I was there I was introduced to cocaine. I totally forgot about Ecstasy.

I was hooked on coke. I used that for months and hated coming down from it. I was introduced to something else. I was introduced to the devil -- Heroin. That was it. That was my love. That was my life. I was only snorting for a while. Then I met my new boyfriend. I didn't know that he shot up for a while. Even though I moved in with him on the first date. I found out and wanted to try it for my self. I shot up once, while making a promise that I would only shoot up every once in a while. Man, was I wrong. I never snorted again. We dealt heroin and crack together so we had a constant supply of both. We were using so much together that I had to start dancing for the money. I loved it at the time. Because a had money for dope anytime that I wanted it.

One day I was late for work. While my boyfriend and I were trying to get our fix, we heard a knock on the door. Any one who does drugs knows the knock of a cop. Well it was them. Someone had ratted on us. I went to jail only two months after I turned eighteen. I only stayed in for a night but I ended up with five counts of possession. Heroin, Cocaine, LSD, Xanax, and paraphernalia.

That didn't stop me I got out and as soon as I got home I got high. I stayed high for another four months until I had to go to court. Of course I went to court high. The judge told me I had to take a drug test and if I passed she would put me on monitored house arrest. Well I showed up six hours late and they threw me in jail once again. I was in jail for fifteen days. But still that didn't stop me from getting high. The first thing I did was find me some dope and start selling it again. I took a plea bargain that I would go to an out patient rehab.

Well I went into that rehab with no hope what so ever and no plans to stop. But my eyes opened and I now realize that I am too good for that stuff. I am still a young woman and I have a full life ahead me. I thank god that I went to jail and have an opportunity to change my life. I am well and healthy and now enjoying life sober.

Monica